I met a stranger a few days ago......and can only say it was surreal.....a mix of souls that had chemistry off the richter scale.....shared music....talked about life....shared an incredible view.....and a lazy Sunday together. He was someone I had dreamed of meeting forever....every young woman's fantasy.....a true romantic......a deep, intense intelligent man with great taste in music.....and fine clothing. He was just suave...ohhhhh yeahhhh. Our rendezvous electrified me. He introduced me to some incredible  music.....and we spoke of The Little Prince....and other favorite things......he gave me a great pair of shoes as a parting gift.....to remember him by......there was no need...... he gave me so much more......a magical feeling....inside...that I hope will stay with me through time.....I will never......forget him. And.....Rachmaninoff plays on......

My dear sweet Grandma and Papa.......oh how I love you.....and how I have missed you soooooo much.....every single day of my life. You both meant EVERYTHING to me.....and you gave me so very much....things that are immeasureable....that made me who I am. Your love was so strong and always there. I had so much fun with you.....I was SO LUCKY to have you for my grandparents. I have such fond memories of all of our days spent together.....all the joy. You instilled in me what family really means and how precious love is. Grandma....I know how you loved Sofia so much....you would be so proud of her...and the beautiful girl she has grown into. Papa... oh how you would have enjoyed her. I know that both of you are always close......and watching over us. I really miss you with all of my heart. XOXOXO all my love....always and forever.......Papa you let me keep Grandma with me for a wonderful amount of years.....just like I asked you.....and I am so grateful for it......I loved her everyday.....and I know that now she is with you......you waited a long time for her.

sentimental and sort of sad

I don't know.....I feel so old.....notice changes everyday. Losses.....small but cumulative. I guess that is what growing old is ..... a series of losses. Sort of sad for tons of reasons.....and yet.....with the work I do...I thank God for each day of health.....for my beautiful child...and for having a home and family and friends in my life. I get sad because life hasn't turned out the way I planned....at least not altogether. I want to be happy. I want to be doing something different. I guess my real job is just to help Sofia continue to grow into a lovely young lady......a healthy and happy young woman who will live a long and cherished life full of love. I need to learn how to let go of worry. It paralyzes me at times. I may need to pray more.

It's weird.....I do not look for problems...or trouble. But sometimes it just finds me. People push your buttons to a point where you have to react. You have to make a decision...take a stand. And it is so uncomfortable.....and makes me feel like I am not in my own skin. I hate it. But there is no where to run......just have to face the music and make the best of it. I am sorry for those times......I guess it is part of life. My father used to put me in situations like that at times.....and it was not fun. I had to take a stand for what I believed in my heart was right. I don't think he ever understood.  I never asked for his situation......didn't want any part of it....but ...it was there. And I made the best of it. I was his daughter.....had lots of fun and wonderful times with him. Took good care of him.....but could never accept certain things that were important to him. I did the best I could. And I don't feel bad about it at all.  It is what it is. People are so quick to judge others....but haven't taken a step in their shoes to see how it feels.

Finally free

No one held me prisoner but myself.....for so many years....locked in a fantasy....missing all the while what was truly real. It's hard to believe ....how I could not see what was right here in front of me all the time. How does that happen?

Chasing a dream that was such an illusion. Billions of tears spent, prayers said, stars wished on, candles lit, tarots read, pennies thrown in fountains.......all to come to this....knowing.

It's time to feel the sun on my face.....walk on a few cracks in the sidewalk.......and live....with a whole new feeling inside.

The colors of my mind.....

Perhaps in another life.....I was living in Jaipur...bathed in the wonder of color......feeling the light...all the way through me....and knowing that life is a privelege.....not a right. Take a risk sometimes.....don't be afraid.

Be careful what you wish for.......

People have said this often and I have wondered......I have come to believe that there is much to learn in this.

Well.....was stuck in an elevator for a considerable amount of time with some former patients of mine. An interesting situation to say the least. Thankfully, everyone remained calm though the heat inside intensified things. The elevator was full so there was no room to sit down.  I tried to keep things low key though for a few minutes, I, myself began to wonder HOW we would get out. I had a bag of my favorite Red Vines with me so I tore it open and passed it around. When the elevator crew finally arrived, they could not reset it and they had to pry the doors open. We all nearly fell out once the doors parted as we did not realize we were in between floors and just wanted out so badly. I looked like a rat who was caught in the rain....my hair was dripping wet from the heat. Then I had to climb 4 levels to get to work....and upon arriving quite late, had to jump right in and start working. NOT FUN. That is the second time in my life I have been stuck in an elevator. The first was about 13 years ago in a nursing home where I was visiting my dad. That time it took about 45 minutes which was not too bad and there were less people in there. I must say that TWICE is definitely enough for that!!!!!

Cleansing out old habits.....opening up......hoping for a magic carpet ride......peace....and happiness with a little fun,too! Days are getting longer.....the sun's light and warmth abound and feed my soul. Raising a glass to toast to life's unknown possibilities......asking the Lord to look in on them.....and offer his blessing.

New Beginnings

 

Spring....fresh flowers, spring rains, things blooming everywhere.....what better time for a new beginning........

Hope

This picture pretty much says it all.........

Dark days.....sleepless nights

Feeling sad and lonely......in a fog....some dark days passing....need to reflect on how to make some positive changes and not repeat the same mistakes.

Happy Chinese New Year 2012 - The Year of the Dragon!!!!


May this new year bring good luck....good health and prosperity to all!

A rainy Monday.....but a surprisingly happy one! A fun tryst in the park......in the rain......with the one I love.....what could be better than that?

A Lonely, Rainy Saturday

See the lonely girl,
Out on the weekend
Trying to make it pay.
Can't relate to joy,
She tries to speak and
Can't begin to say.

Remebering the young girl

I think that all the movies I watched when I was a young girl....attributed to my being such a dreamer. I believed them.....I thought Cary Grant or George Peppard or someone like them was going to come into my life.....with all their suaveness and romance and I was going to have the whole thing....you know...the white picket fence.....etc. I remember every Christmas going to New York City and looking out over Rockefeller Center wondering who my "prince" was going to be. Every year.....and even through the years brought different men in my life there...to my special place.....to see if anything "magical" would happen....it would be a sign...that "he" was the "one". Well......nothing ever really happened.......that was earthshaking and could really qualify.


I still go to Rockefeller Center every year......and now I bring my own little girl there.....but I don't look out and dream about my "prince" anymore. I have had some princes in my day........it just wasn't exactly like the movies. I looked out across the ice this year.......and pictured the young girl...so many years ago..... sitting with her handsome dad having hot chocolate.....watching the skaters......and dreaming.

My little boo

Just missing my little boo.....soo soo much. My heart aches for you......and there will never be a day when I don't think of you. I love you Tootsie....and I always will. I hope you are running free and are playing at the Rainbow Bridge until I am blessed to see you again.

New Year Wish-0-lutions

The beginning of the new year is exciting. It's like getting a fresh start.... a clean palate to color and decorate. I wish this year.....to be more patient.......to see the beauty in the simple things around me.....to focus on my health more.....to exercise for real........to get to a place where I am more comfortable in my own body....to spend quality time with my daughter......and to save for a rainy day....(there have been a bunch of those...even though I live in California...lol)

A memory

I remembered a poem I read in "SEVENTEEN Magazine" when I was 17 myself....so many moons ago. It read.....


Give me your smile
I will keep it forever
Pressed tightly 
Between the crisp, clean tissue sheets
Of my memory.

The Beginning......

My first ever post....yay! Exciting. I hope this will be a place of creativity, warmth and peace. A place to come and find beauty and inspiration. I look forward to the journey!