I don't know.....I feel so old.....notice changes everyday. Losses.....small but cumulative. I guess that is what growing old is ..... a series of losses. Sort of sad for tons of reasons.....and yet.....with the work I do...I thank God for each day of health.....for my beautiful child...and for having a home and family and friends in my life. I get sad because life hasn't turned out the way I planned....at least not altogether. I want to be happy. I want to be doing something different. I guess my real job is just to help Sofia continue to grow into a lovely young lady......a healthy and happy young woman who will live a long and cherished life full of love. I need to learn how to let go of worry. It paralyzes me at times. I may need to pray more.
It's weird.....I do not look for problems...or trouble. But sometimes it just finds me. People push your buttons to a point where you have to react. You have to make a decision...take a stand. And it is so uncomfortable.....and makes me feel like I am not in my own skin. I hate it. But there is no where to run......just have to face the music and make the best of it. I am sorry for those times......I guess it is part of life. My father used to put me in situations like that at times.....and it was not fun. I had to take a stand for what I believed in my heart was right. I don't think he ever understood. I never asked for his situation......didn't want any part of it....but ...it was there. And I made the best of it. I was his daughter.....had lots of fun and wonderful times with him. Took good care of him.....but could never accept certain things that were important to him. I did the best I could. And I don't feel bad about it at all. It is what it is. People are so quick to judge others....but haven't taken a step in their shoes to see how it feels.
